Millennial Traitors, Part One: Alex Smith

by Kelly Breaux
File under: Baby Boomers06 Aug 2013 6:12 EDT

My fellow Millennials, I know we are facing hard times brought about by our arch-foes the Baby Boomers, but luckily a new leader has emerged from our ranks to help us.  This person recently took a strong stand in an article entitled "Democrats have taken advantage of Millennials."  This person goes by the name of Alex Smith and is the current National Chairman of the College Republicans.  But this person is not male.

"Chairman" Alex is a female — with some obvious gender issues. Here in the liberated 21st century, women are apparently still willing to assign themselves masculine names and titles in order to gain credibility and seriousness.  Some people will do anything to get ahead, I guess.  But not Alex, of course.

After all, how could she not have integrity?  She heads the youth wing of the Republican Party.  And further, according to her bio blurb, she graduated "magna cum laude from the Catholic University of America."

Win-win.  She also writes for the Daily Caller, that "libertarian-conservative" news outlet.  No, the Daily Caller is NOT another cartoon conservative media project.  Free from the vulgar popularism that led to the downfall of so many other cartoon conservatives, this publication only focuses on the real issues...

You know, Hillary Clinton, Obamacare... and Justin Bieber.  I can almost hear Tucker Carlson's excuse now: "We gotta pay the bills somehow..."  To which I would reply: that's what she said.

But back to conservative platitudes: it's best not to judge a book by it's cover.  Before we dismiss Mr/Ms Smith entirely, let's at least try to take this mere college girl seriously.

Her article starts with a description of the dire situation facing Millennials today: the debt, the joblessness, the cultural alienation.  

This is where the "lost generation" (as some have dubbed us) stands in 2013.

She points out that the Millennials have disproportionately voted Democratic in recent years, and then attempts to answer a very important question:

Casting nearly 5 million more votes for President Obama over Governor Romney this past election, my generation undoubtedly delivered for Democrats. Have they delivered for us?

According to the latest Pew Research report...

As if any Millennial needs a research report to understand his or her own situation.  As if any Millennial can even read a "research report".  As if Pew Research is actually a credible source, and not run by those who have the interests of the Baby Boomers at heart.

But nevermind all that.  And nevermind the question of whether Romney would have "delivered".  Alex has a clear answer for us.  But it might not be what you expect:

Rather than answer my earlier question with a resounding partisan "no," let me offer an alternative...

It is trendy now for conservatives to pose as non-partisan while trying to advance their agenda, a sort of a last-ditch PR attempt to distance themselves from the failed GOP.  But I digress.  Here's the answer to this pressing question, the dramatic climax, what we've all been waiting for:

[The] president and the Democrats have not failed us because they are Democrats; rather, their policies have not worked for our generation because their ideas are old.

That's right: the problem has nothing to do with any of the concrete policies of the Democrats, it has to do primarily with the fact that the Democrats are old.  Yes, this is what qualifies as a political opinion in 2013.  And the solution, as you might expect, is to embrace new people and new ideas.

The cultural-political mindfuck here is astonishing.  Are we really hearing a "conservative" argue for progressivism?  Do Republicans really need to embrace the Obama-loving Millennials, and abandon their "old" ways, in order to survive?  Are Millennials even capable of national leadership at this point?  If you needed a reason to believe that the current conservative movement is simply fake opposition whose agenda is set by its "opponents", look no further.  

But Alex, poor Alex, doesn't even know what "conservatism" and "progressivism" mean.  She (like most of my fellow Millennials) is herself a product of the Baby Boomers.  Cognitively handicapped by "new education", she can do little else but giggle and smile and click "Like" buttons — and regurgitate cliches with a straight face.  Perhaps it's appropriate that she is the National Chair(wo)man of College Republicans, the youth branch of biggest political failure in US history.

But don't knock Millennials.  Don't call us a "lost generation"!  We've done tons of good stuff.  Alex ends by pointing out some of the "success stories from our generation":

Whether it is the grassroots efforts that have built massive social networks, or by technological improvements that have allowed us customize our lives like at no other time in history, these sorts of innovations define our generation.

Grassroots efforts — like Facebook?  Or grassroots efforts like the Obama election(s)?  And are we really even proud of Facebook?  "Customization of our lives"...?  What does that even mean?  Nevermind, nevermind, we have already left reality far behind.  Feel free to float now in the comforting cognitive fog produced by that article.  Becoming familiar with that fog is probably the best way to understand Millennials — and Baby Boomers

Ms. Smith is, consciously on unconsciously, herself a puppet of the Baby Boomers, the unwitting promoter of her own destruction.  If she — and the Daily Caller — really want to help our generation, they will stop producing this kind of "political writing".


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Anynonmouse says:08 Aug 2013 22:38 EDT

They coined the term "useful idiot" for a reason.

Try actually *talking* to people like her. They will call you "arrogant" and "unfeeling" because you won't "validate" their opinions.

To which I reply: "Your opinions are based on bullshit. That much I can validate."
Harami says:08 Aug 2013 17:47 EDT
As a fellow Lost Generational Baby Boomer Puppet Millenial I'm glad to see even our 'political' activists are still utterly fucking clueless.

USA! USA! Four more... years?
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