Windows 8: Non Plus Ultra

by Maxim Blin
File under: Fake Tech06 Feb 2013 16:52 EST

Full disclosure: I used to think very highly of Steve Ballmer.  This was around the time of his insane "Developers, developers, developers!" incantation at a Microsoft Family Meeting in 2000. 

But much has changed since then.  Steve has decided that original software development doesn't matter anymore.  Instead, it's all about "Advertisers, advertisers, advertisers..."
 

And so we come to Windows 8.

As if the post-XP versions weren't bad enough.  (No that's not XP as in Xpistos, but XP as in 'Xperience').  Windows has become the operating system equivalent of a failed state.  While Bill Gates was busy trying to vaccinate Africans, Internet Explorer's market share dropped from 80% to 15%.  Vista was the big disaster, though, creating multitudes of desktop refugees who eventually ended up in the loving arms of Mr. Jobs (PBUH) or Mr. Torvalds.  (Windows 7 was simply a belated and weak apology, nothing more.)

But somehow Ballmer found a way to add to the misery.  Windows 8's new "Metro" interface not only frustrates users, but reduces them to an infantile, pre-verbal condition, where one is supposed to point and touch things in order to indicate want.  Very forward-thinking indeed.

Why did this happen? 

Well, Apple used such touch interfaces on its mobile devices, and everyone thought they were cool.  So, the 'logic' goes, it would also be cool if we had the same interfaces on desktop computers, even though, well, desktops are used for completely different purposes.  But coolness and image are more important than vulgar usability, right?  I mean, that's all Apple is — image — right?

I am willing to let history do the decisive speaking on this issue.  But the cards are already being revealed, and, I can say one thing myself: if you own any Microsoft stock, sell it immediately.  

Or not.  If you watch the official propaganda videos enough times, you might eventually decide that the real problem is 'on your end':

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