Tiger Woods And Lindsey Vonn: What A Happy Couple!
|by Justin LeBlanc|
File under: Fake Females07 Oct 2013 12:00 EDT
You might have heard: Tiger Woods has a new girlfriend!
Lindsey Vonn is the lucky lady's name, and she's an Olympic skier, so you know she's got a good head on her shoulders and is going to make this work, at least for several marketing seasons. But Tiger's knee is blocking a very important aspect of the relationship in this picture... stand up, Tiger...
There you go. Make sure that everyone sees that Nike logo when they think of a tranquil afternoon with their special lady friend. Monogamy sells, bitchez. But far be it from us to suggest that this is a fake relationship. Ms. Vonn is happy to come out and support her man on the golf course.
Red Bull: The perfect energy booster for enduring a long day of having your man pawed by strangers like a piece of public property. Sure to keep that frown turned upside down.
For everyone confused at how this is working out, The Detroit Free Press, always sensitive to the most important issues of the day, landed this quote from Ms. Vonn on the strength of the couple's special bond:
Not to mention that all those public appearances are so much less stressful when Tiger and Lindsey don't have to appear single, breaking the fairy tale media narrative on which their entire lives hang. We all know about Tiger's relationship troubles in the past, but it turns out Lindsey also ended her made for media marriage to skier Thomas Vonn, whose last name she still keeps. Can you spell A-W-K-W-A-R-D, Fakenation?
So yes, there is a lot of pressure involved in being a soulless celebrity, and it helps to always appear in public spoken for by your 'significant other'. They're really doing each other quite a favor.
Now one more for the cameras, kids!
We haven't seen a pair of lovers like this since Rene Magritte.
That's all for now. We'll be sure to cover the wedding!
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