Image War: Obama vs. Putin
|by Marcus Chagill|
File under: Image Wars19 Mar 2013 13:19 EDT
Because if you're going to be a demagogue, you should at least be interesting...
"You know, I never served in the military, but I'm glad it worked out for you, getting to meet the President and all. Good for you, man."
"Dmitry, I hit the bullseye without looking or else I give the next election to you."
"Look, John, I know you want to be powerful too but you're just not as cool as I am. I'm sorry, but life's not fair sometimes. Get with it. We're going to have to raise the debt ceiling."
"I only wish my opponents weren't such fools that they diminished my glory."
"Look at that, Bo, the McRib is back! Gosh, it feels like it's been gone forever. How about that?"
"What a fascinating little creature. Let him live."
"Yep, I'm sitting on Rosa Parks' bus. First black president here, just sitting on the bus looking out the window. No police harassing me or anything. How cool is that?"
"You think that Vladimir is an unrefined strongman? No, not at all. My first love was always archeology."
"Go long, Axelrod!... Alright, now hold it there for the camera. There you go, Barack. That looks good."
"What is that American novel... Moby Dick? They never get the whale, do they? Nonsense. Pay attention. A novel will be commissioned immediately after my kill."
"Now open wide and eat before Michelle sees us."
"You've been watching too much American television. I met Chuck Norris. This is what happened to Chuck Norris."
"Aww honey, I missed you too. No, I didn't notice you gained a few pounds, really. I love you just the way you are. Yes we can disappear to Hawaii after we wrap this election deal up. Of course we can. I love you."
"A man has his needs, but my wife, she could not bear this terrain. A man must go it alone. Alone to the nearest village with young maidens at the well."
"Alright guys, lean in for the toast. There you go, touch the glasses, now let's try and make eye contact, there you go. Now remember- we're friends."
"Quiet, Dmitry. Let the rabble indulge their emotions. Come victory or defeat, our resolve must remain unshaken."
"Is that you, Gibbsy? How embarrassing!"
"Come now. We are very alike, you and I..."
"I can't believe it either, Rahm! We're actually walking around Egypt. Wow, they've got the pyramids and everything. What a nice touch. No, I don't know if they filmed Indiana Jones here..."
"What we do in life resounds into eternity."
"I got one! I got one! I got a fish... look at me I got a fish!... Awwww never mind, he got away. Guess we'll call that one a catch and release. We're awesome anyway!"
"Fishing poles? Do I look that incompetent to you?"
"Easy now, easy now, lift from the hips, alright. Great. That looks good there."
"Your great Neptune lies dead at bottom of the ocean!"
"Shame to the weakest!"
"Remember that tempo, 44. 1, 2, 3, and through the ball. Take it easy. You work too hard, you know that?"
"Beginner trail? Have you lost your mind Dmitry? I will not let you drive the beginner trail."
"Oh geez! You went and ruined my best pair of pants! It's OK, it's OK. Just be more careful next time."
"If I do not return to earth may I become one with the stars."
"Whoa, easy there big guy! Ok, you can put me down now. Any time now."
"Let them fly a drone into Russia. You will see what happens to a drone flying into Russia."
"Wowza, it's Spiderman! Shoot your web, Spidey! You got me! Very cool!"
"You will drink this tea, my child, or you will disappoint me."
Boys will be boys...
... and men will be men.
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