Image War: Jay Carney vs. Vladimir Lenin

by Marcus Chagill
File under: Image Wars17 May 2013 8:47 EDT

In our second installment of Image War, we will provide another comparison of our current political administration with what one might term the genuine "Soviet experience". Conservative hyperbole aside, we at Fakenation feel cheated that we as Americans have to contend with the same oppressive, soulless bureaucracies as our Russian comrades without any of their romantic rhetoric. If you're not sure what we mean by this, let's see who would win in an Image War between Vladimir Lenin, one of the greatest masters of propaganda in world history, and, well, Jay Carney, a more, shall we say, second-hand revolutionary messenger:

"We don't know anything about anything. Are you really going to ask me about that again? The president is black. It's like really historic. It's a really big deal. Seriously."

"The art of any propagandist and agitator consists in his ability to find the best means of influencing any given audience, by presenting a definite truth, in such a way as to make it most convincing, most easy to digest, most graphic, and most strongly impressive."

"GAWD do I hope this hotel has a bar attached. I just need to get away from work for a while."

"The Marxist doctrine is omnipotent because it is true. It is comprehensive and harmonious, and provides men with an integral world outlook irreconcilable with any form of superstition, reaction, or defense of bourgeois oppression."

"Yeah, that's right bro. I'm banging that. Any questions?"

"In the course of two years Soviet power in one of the most backward countries of Europe did more to emancipate women and to make their status equal to that of the 'strong' sex than all the advanced, enlightened, 'democratic' republics of the world did in the course of 130 years."

"Why is nothing getting done? Go ask John Boehner. You think the president isn't working hard? You think we're not working day and night to balance this budget for the American people?"

"If you want to help the 'masses' and win the sympathy and support of the 'masses', you should not fear difficulties, or pinpricks, chicanery, insults and persecution from the 'leaders', but must absolutely work wherever the masses are to be found."

"Alright Jay, you're done talking for the day. It's alright, no need to apologize. Yes, I'll see you on the first tee in about an hour."

"Napoleon, I think, wrote: 'On s’engage et puis ... on voit.' rendered freely this means: 'First engage in a serious battle and then see what happens.' Well, we did first engage in a serious battle in October 1917. And now there can be no doubt that in the main we have been victorious. "

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