How to Become Famous: 7 Tips from a Pro

by Cara Lentz
File under: Fake Labor 08 Mar 2013 6:54 EST

Do you want to be famous?  Everyone does!  But fame isn't for everyone.  You have to really want to become famous.  Just saying or thinking "I want to be famous" isn't enough.  You have to become obssessed with the idea of fame!  

Most people don't have what it takes, which is why most people aren't famous.  But you may have it!  

You need to start thinking of yourself as a celebrity right now.  Every time you are about to do something, ask yourself: what would a famous person do in this situation?   When you get to the point where you're dreaming about being interviewed by Katie Couric, enjoying a candelight dinner with Tom Cruise, or discussing history with Steven Spielberg, you'll know you're on the right track!

In the mean time, here are 7 tips that you will definitely need to become famous.  Study them well (but not too hard)!
 

1.  Watch as much TV as possible, despite what anyone says.  There is no such thing as Fame College, but TV provides the best education for the soon-to-be-famous.  Why?  Because TV appearances are necessary for the famous.  These are how you gain and maintain your fame.  So watch how famous people talk, laugh, and behave.  Notice what's considered funny, what's considered gross, etc., and take notes!  When the TV camera finally arrives at your door, you don't want to be unprepared, shocked, and mumbling!  You must give your audience what they want!

2.  Work as little as possible.  Don't believe the old myth that 'hard work is good for you' -- that's only what unfamous people say to justify their miserable lives.  Work is a joke, and all famous people know it.  Sure, you need something to do, but it should be fun and not hard to do.  If you must work, try to do as little as possible.  Or get good at pretending to be busy when you're not -- good training for your acting career!  There was a study recently published that showed that most celebrities do far less work than people actually think they do.  So be smart and don't waste your time on some menial job.

3.  Only tell other people what they want to hear.  "You're wong!", "You're ugly!", "You're stupid!"  No one wants to hear that.  You won't gain any respect from people by trying to 'keep it real'.  So give up the whole honesty thing, it went out of style with your grandparents.  When you interact with people around you, ask yourself what you think they want to hear, and then tell them that.  You'll be surprised how many friends you make.  But don't stop there -- keep up the good work!  These friends will soon become your fans!

4.  Always talk about sex!  Everyone likes to either talk about sex or listen to people talking about sex.  Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying!  You don't have to be graphic, but be suggestive at least.  Sex is part of what makes life fun, so there's no need to be ashamed about it.  And if you're uncomfortable talking about your own sex life (most people are),start by talking about the sex lives of others, especially celebrities.  But be careful: talking about sex doesn't mean you should actually be having lots of sex.  Sex can lead to children and diseases and uneeded personal attachments, especially if you're not famous yet.

5. Respect people in powerful positions.  You need these people to like you, because they will give you the opportunities you need in order to become famous.  Don't say "the president sucks!" or "that actor sucks!" even if that's the truth.  Being a celebrity doesn't mean being a critic.  Critics sit in front of computer monitors all day and write boring articles for boring newspapers.  That's not you!  Be respectful and positive, and these people will return the favor later on.

6.  Pimp your ethnic identity.  Your ethnic identity is what makes you unique and it determines every decision you make, so you should spend some time getting to know it.  But not too much time!  Learn about your history and recognize how it sets you apart.  You don't want to be another boring homogenous American celebrity, do you?  And don't say "I don't have an ethnic identity", because everyone does.  You may just have to dig deep for it.  Being "The first Puerto Rican celebrity" has a much better ring to it than being "the 50th anonymous American celebrity," don't you think?

7.  Claim to be a victim.  If you haven't noticed, most people in the news and on TV are victims in some way.  Not just the victims of crimes, but victims of society, fashion victims, etc.  Victims sell -- everyone likes to read about them, because often we forget how lucky we really are.  Everyone is a victim in some way, and those experiences usually have a strong effect on our lives.  Are your parents divorced?  Did the kids at school make fun of you?  Have a few experiences in mind, and be able to talk about how they changed you for the better.  And don't dwell on them!  No one likes depressed celebrities, either!

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COMMENTS

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ABHISHEK says:27 May 2014 4:12 EDT
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Going to be monstrously famous says:25 Apr 2014 17:03 EDT
Not sure about the 'don't try' philosophy but apart from that, seems reasonable!
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Ls the bess says:15 Jan 2014 14:03 EST
I'm a kid I want to be famous I can sing dance and rap probably can act also a comediean could someone notice me please I'm in fl if want to talk too me kik me it's My name
roger rabbit jr says:23 Aug 2013 16:55 EDT
There are some very good tips on here, if you are into the fam-at-all-costs approach.
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BigLove says:13 Jun 2013 9:48 EDT
Doh! Funny stuff and worth every minute of reading time because being a celebrity, no matter the cost, is everything to anyone who loves truth and happiness and the American way!
princess says:07 May 2013 7:00 EDT
this was a waste of time and there is nothing that is worth my time on this page.
Not EevenAlarmed says:12 Mar 2013 12:51 EDT
I read this because I was bored and needed a break.<br />
<br />
This article is a waste of space and time, unless you are a very uneducated useless person.