Don't Trust Anyone Over...

by Persius Juvenalis
File under: Baby Boomers29 Mar 2013 13:38 EDT

If you watch the popular media produced by their elders, American youth today are overindulged brats that gobble up welfare checks, disrespect hallowed copyright law, and can't hold a steady job after college. Don't let the nice 'liberal' face of the establishment fool you. Remember how quickly our fine left-wing mayors cleaned the streets of the young Occupy rabble once they started their own post-Woodstock movement for social reform. Youth are a nuisance. They are loud, dangerous, and spend more time on Xbox than participating in the status quo of our social 'reality'. They require constant psychological evaluation and medication lest they go on shooting rampages, and need to be branded with tracking devices like cattle inside of the public schools. 

See, say the elders, it's the young people that are to blame for our social decay. Why, they go around believing all these wacky conspiracy theories they find God knows where on the internet instead of Barbara Walters and Charlie Rose, real journalists of record! What's happening to the family in the age of all these hook-ups and what, do you call it, friends with benefits? Who's going to give me some grandkids when they don't even have a salaried position? 

And the roads aren't even safe with them driving around, the lousy teenagers! Let's spend a few more million on a campaign to get irresponsible youth like this to put down the phone and focus on the road!

But recently a study was conducted by AT&T which found that adults text behind the wheel more often than teenagers. The Washington Post reports:

Many of the campaigns to stop texting and driving have been aimed at hyper-connected teens, but a new survey from AT&T shows adults are more likely to be driving distracted.

Nearly half of adults surveyed, 49 percent, said they text and drive — even though nearly all of them say they know the habit is dangerous. Ninety-eight percent of adult drivers surveyed said they know that distracted driving isn’t safe. But the trend actually appears to be on the rise, AT&T said, as six out of 10 drivers said they never texted behind the wheel just three years ago.

The top reasons that adults gave for their behavior were that sending a text while driving has become second nature, they feel it makes them more productive and it helps them feel connected.

A very interesting study indeed, and one that may explain the disgust youth feel toward the hypocrisy of their elders. Notice how the adults say that they know it isn't safe, but they do it anyway. Eerily similar to how the Woodstock generation is now apologizing for extra-judicial assassination drone campaigns because the president has darker skin than the previous ones, but we won't go there... Also notice the need to feel productive, to feel connected. They may participate in an economically bankrupt, socially alienated dystopia, but at least they can feel important when they get those text messages from their boss or paramour behind the wheel. 

Here are just a few more of the glaring lies promoted by our hip, connected elders:

  • We need to save programs like Social Security at all costs because they go to help the vulnerable elderly. Meanwhile we'll retire to The Villages and widen the wealth gap between old and young to historic proportions. Don't you want to make mom and dad proud? Better go to school, get a real job, and pay those taxes!
  • We can't legalize marijuana. Never mind that all the presidents of our generation have admitted to using it. We'll just arrest poor minorities out there dealing while we use it in our gated retirement communities
  • We need responsible young people who are going to start planning ahead to have a family, pay absurdly inflated college tuition for their children, and retire themselves. If times are rough out there for youth, tough luck. We've worked all our lives and our checks better keep coming, because we're done with saving.

All these lies that would put Nixon to shame, yet our generation keeps believing in Barack Obama and college education because our parents want to relive the politics of the sixties and think of college as a necessary privilege afforded by the GI Bill. We've been taken in by the trap. So much of what is supposed to be young and hip is really lame old nostalgia:

So let's wake up, millennials. We need a rallying cry. I suggest we reuse an old favorite:


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Anonymous says:29 Jul 2013 10:31 EDT
"We can't legalize marijuana. Never mind that all the presidents of our generation have admitted to using it."

Those presidents should be enough to dissuade anybody from smoking pot.
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