Baby Boomer Hate: The New Racism
|by Chester Oldman|
File under: Baby Boomers29 Jul 2013 16:57 EDT
My friends, it is difficult for me to discuss it, but I must bring you some bad news. Young people have invented another new and disturbing trend: Baby Boomer bashing. As if their other inventions — truancy, talking back, and pre-emptive military strikes — weren't enough, they descend to this new low. Should hating an entire generation be considered a form of racism? Yes, I certainly think so.
You might say: "Excuse me, sir, I get your point — but aren't you going a little overboard?" No, absolutely not. We're really hurting here, guys. My people are being discriminated against, just like blacks in the South in the 1950s. There's no difference: we're being segregated. It's a new form of apartheid. We, the retirees, are the real victims. Nelson Mandela should be supporting us.
Worry about us. Feel sorry for us.
Our pensions and Social Security payments are at risk. Sure, the systems that sustain those funds were built on dubious grounds, and we never objected, but that's not my fault. You promised me. We would work, you would pay for our retirement. I know I might sound a little childish here, like a spoiled kid screaming at his mom: "But you promised I could have dessert if I ate all my vegetables!!!" I can assure you, though, it's absolutely nothing of the sort.
I know it's difficult for young people today to assume a condition of moral awareness and intelligence. That's why you need to listen to me and respect my authority. You see, my generation was instrumental in advancing the civil rights movement, and the whole world has been a stunned witness to how much we accomplished. In major cities like Detroit, there is now a near 100% literacy rate among black high school students, and nearly 100% of them graduate. Pretty impressive, right? Yes, if I do say so myself, but it shouldn't stop there. We need a new civil rights movement — one that protects the most vulnerable and innocent class of society: Baby Boomer retirees. My people. Me.
You should be asking yourself right now: "What can I do to help?" The first thing you can do is join a very important social movement.
The Gray Panther movement is NOT only for "craggy old curmudgeons." It's about age and youth in action. So there has never been a better time to join, and together we can work out a way for you to finance my pension.
See? That could be you right there, in the pink skirt. Helping out. And although we're very hard workers, we do set aside some time for fun. After all, we're human beings.
Don't just take my word for it. You can always count on the testimony of brother Ken.
Right. Now let's hammer out our agenda.
The first thing we need to do, to protect my people, is to strike pre-emptively. This is the tried-and-true way to deal with potential problems. Now, I know this might sound a little crazy, but I need to ask you to volunteer yourself, boys and girls, to go dutifully to prison, so that you won't pose any threat to our retirement communities, our talk radio stations, etc. I'll even say "please." It will be a sacrifice, I know, but it's for your own good.
Believe us: It's best for everyone if we lock you up now.
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